I just finished the book
Shantaram (which, ugh, just writing the name of the book makes my heart heavy and full with feelings), and came away thinking:
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One of the GAJILLION "hand-held" moments I had during the book was how the main character, Lin, has trouble seeing past people's facades--he's surprised to find out his poor friend, Jimmy, is literate and capable of thinking about and discussing grandiose universal truths; he's surprised that a hugely tough and dour bodyguard, Nazeer, can be sensitive, tender, and capable of deep love. Lin's upset at himself for not immeidately seeing past people's exteriors, for not immediately believing them deep or multi-faceted people. It's a sad realization for him, this simply seeing what is in front of him and nothing more, for he sees that he's been superficial and cocky, believing what's on the surface without caring to question his initial perceptions. Lin helped me see that it's all too easy to take people for granted, to see only how they fit into our life's routines and functions. If we just asked more questions, perhaps, and listened more closely, we'd be surprised to find that people are much broader than we give them credit for; they're as captivating as a diamond in full light.
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Since before we were married, A and I have been constantly learning how to navigate the adult world together--owning a home, raising a dog, simply waking up, going to work, and fulfilling our daily obligations. And we'll forever be learning how navigate our marriage, too--how to best care for and love each other, how to grow together as one unit. There have always been and will always be little bumps in our road that require "recalculation," as our bratty GPS lady would say. I'm reminded of an argument I had with a high school boyfriend back in the day. We were driving, trying to find our way to some concert, and we got lost. I was so upset that we were gonna be late for the show that I got us even more lost. He was upet at me for overreacting and gave me this whole lecture about not enjoying the moment for what it was, about not appreciating his company or the new sights we'd never have seen if we hadn't gotten lost. Though I'd die to admit it to him even now, he was right ;) There is a lot of information that's revealed in "lost" moments, a lot of surprises, and as all of our teachers taught us, knowledge is power. Though I have been on a slow learning curve, I am finally comprehending the potential power I can harness from those bumps in the road.
And it seems that Caleb from The Etsy Blog is comprehending something similar, as his
"Cultivating Romance" article reads, "Love… is an activity. Moreover, this activity involves skill-building. Thus you can work at cultivating your love for another. You can get better (or worse) at loving someone...Relationships atrophy without proper care...Each new life stage brings with it new challenges to the status quo of a relationship... But keep at it in little, hopefully meaningful ways, understanding that small efforts can make a big difference." Just this morning I was just talking to a coworker about how you can be a good or bad arguer; you can argue your point in a gentle, thoughtful, and helpful way OR you can just yell, pout, and refuse to accept responsibility for your part. Though arguments are extremely frustrating, yes, they're also incredibly intimate. There's so much laid to bare, so arguments should be handled carefully and tenderly. I really believe that once you've committed yourself to someone, it's about the BOTH of you arriving at a satisfying conclusion, not just one of you. And I also believe that relationships are about something bigger than just two people.
"I believe we're here for a reason--created by somebody to live for somebody to return to somebody," Mike Ditka once said. Which brings me to Life Magazine's compilation of "answers" to the question
"What is the meaning of life?", of which Ditka's quote is a part. "Scientists and theologians, authors and artists, celebrities and everyday sages on the street" responded to the question. I'm gonna be a big girl and admit that some of the responses made me cry--some out of inspiration, some out of recognition, some out of humor, and some out of disagreement and despair. If you don't read the rest of this blog post, at least read these folks' philosophies. You can't tell me that after reading these, you don't feel more complex and therefore amazing for just being a human being.
Though I'm not sure if Erin Y. has read the above compilation before, she has certainly pondered how to be the biggest, best, and most beautiful human being she can be, as her post titled "
The Kind of Woman I Want to Be" feels to me of the same chord:
"I
want to pray more often with a feeling in my heart that overwhelms my soul... not just words. I want to raise a family in a home that will be remembered always as a happy place. I want my children to change the world for the better, if only in a small way, and I want them to be proud of their accomplishments. I want to want less and appreciate more."
It's strange how everything I've been reading lately seems to be connected. It's as if the world is shouting a message to me about how people are deeper than the ocean so I SHOULD hold my breath for them; about how vital our human connections are and how we must treasure them and keep them safe; about how important it is to be able to see yourself in not just your past or present selves, but also in your dreamt-up, all-improved, magnificent future self. It is so important to
dream...
Which brings me (FINALLY!) to my response to the world's message. In exemplary copy-cat form (thanks for the idea, Erin Y!), here's my "I want to be" list:
I want to be brave enough to challenge myself in new ways and to risk failure.
I want to meet and pet every dog in the world.
I want to be a passionate, honest, selfless, and devoted wife.
I want to be best friends with God.
I want to eat more vegetables, particularly sweet potatoes ;)
I want to keep the instrument of by body strong and healthy.
I want to make people smile with my charm and laugh with my wit.
I want to be a thoughtful, fun, loyal, and generous friend.
I want to have a personal relationship with nature and the wild.
I want to read, read, and read till stories spill from my mouth.
I want to be intentional about the things I do and wisened by my experiences.
I want to be an adoring, patient, silly, open-minded, and inspirational mother to my children.
I want to ride an elephant.
I want to be hopeful and positive, forever smiling in the bliss of my blessings.
I want to tell a complicatedly beautiful tale.
If you made it to the end of this post, you're a bloody good reader and dear to my <3. XOXO, y'all.
