For me personally, I can't stop thinking about how young this coworker was was. And how troubled.
He was chummy and talkative on the outside. Personable. Easy to like. Yet, behind his smiling and lively exterior, we all saw him losing weight, heard him blowing off sympathetic remarks regarding his recent divorce. I'd heard him say before that he was happiest at work, not home...
All of this has put me in such a funk. I'm realizing that there are levels to the human person that are deeper, more hidden, dormant, that are nearly impossible to know. And yet they're there. Which has got me feeling like I let this coworker down. Like I missed something. Like I didn't get to know the bits of him that I should have.
To think that, at such a young age, he died unhappily just makes me sick to my stomach. Everyone deserves peace at the end.
I just hope that when he reaches the other side, he's set free...
I hope he experiences the weightlessness of love...
...the bouyancy...
...the light.
And, lastly, I hope that he is happier than he ever was on Earth.
*images from:
http://www.helpinganimals.com/photos/240-FreeBird.jpg
http://thoth.kr/files/attach/images/371404/604/414/heart-cloud.jpg
http://www.heartlikewater.net/Images/Oak-on-Pond.jpg
http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG/29/2963/7Z1QD00Z.jpg
Ohh how sad. I've known a few people like that, and a few who passed away tragically, but we can't blame ourselves for something we didn't know or understand at the time. I strongly believe things happen for a reason... the way they should. I'm sure God is taking care of him now.
ReplyDeleteI want to post a post that says, "hey, I knew James," for my own reasons. James, I miss your corny laugh three cubes down. I miss the way you stopped by my cubicle, told me to "get to work," and grinned as you strutted to your desk. I used to listen to you, headphones on with angry customers, talking calmness into them like you were born to do just so. I will miss the way you ate your salads in the corner of your desk, and pretended to like the taste of those nasty salads you kept on the side of your cube. You were a quiet one, James, and we all miss you so very much. I think, "if, if, if," but that doesn't work. I just want you to know you had a friend and family inside everyone you were around. I miss your laugh. I miss your jokes. I miss your quiet salads on lunch break. I miss you, James. Take care in heaven my friend.
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